How to Deal With a Breakup When You Still Love Them

By Cath Sully, Counsellor/Psychotherapist at Terra Soul Therapies

If you still love someone after a breakup, give yourself room to miss them, think about how contact affects you and notice what helps you get through the day. You can start moving forward while you still have feelings for them.

You might reach for your phone to tell them about your day, then remember you don’t do that anymore. You can miss their laugh, feel relieved it’s over and wish things had gone differently. Sometimes all in the same afternoon.

Is it normal to still love your ex after a breakup?

Yes. Your feelings can continue long after the relationship ends, even if you were the one who ended it. You may miss the person, the everyday routines you shared or the future you pictured together.

When you find yourself replaying the good bits, make room for the rest of the relationship too. Could you speak openly? What kept happening even when you tried to change it? What do you feel relieved to have some space from?

Should I contact my ex if I still miss them?

Before reaching out, ask yourself what you’re hoping will happen. Do you want to hear their voice, feel less alone tonight or find out if there’s still a chance?

Think about how you usually feel after contact. If a text or a look at their socials leaves you replaying things for hours, some space might help. If you share children or have practical things to sort out, that might mean keeping messages focused on what needs organising for now.

What helps you move forward after a breakup?

Everyone gets through a breakup differently. Talking it out might help one person, while another needs a walk and some quiet. And the same thing can help you one day and do very little the next.

Keep an open mind and notice how you feel afterwards. Did talking to a friend help you feel less alone, or did you come away more wound up? Did a walk give you a little breathing room? Let what you notice guide what you try next.

Where can I get support after a breakup in Brisbane?

If you’d like space to talk through the grief, doubt or changes that come with a separation, I offer individual therapy in Albion, Brisbane, and online through Terra Soul Therapies⁠.

You can read about my approach to therapy⁠ or book a complimentary 20 minute discovery call⁠ to see if we’re a good fit.

How to Deal With a Breakup When You Still Love Them