Finding the right therapist: someone you can be yourself with
By Cath Sully, Psychotherapist, Counsellor and Registered Nurse at Terra Soul Therapies
If I were looking for a therapist, I’d want to know more than their qualifications. I’d want some sense of the person I was going to sit with.
Would I feel comfortable telling them something difficult? Could I say they had misunderstood me? Would there be room to laugh, or would everything feel terribly serious?
Those are the kinds of questions I hope people feel welcome to ask when they reach out to me.
Choosing a therapist can take some thought, especially if you’ve tried therapy before and it hasn’t helped in the way you hoped. Here are a few things I would encourage you to consider.
You don’t need to know exactly what’s wrong
Sometimes people arrive with a clear concern. Other times, all they know is that they’re tired, overwhelmed or feeling unlike themselves.
You don’t need to put that into perfect words before seeking support.
“I don’t really know where to start” is a perfectly reasonable place to begin. We can take our time finding out what matters to you.
Ask about their experience and approach
Qualifications, professional registration or membership, and relevant experience are useful things to check. You can ask a therapist about their training and whether they have worked with concerns similar to yours.
But I would also ask, “What would working with you actually look like?”
There are many approaches to counselling and psychotherapy. Some involve more structure, others more open exploration. Understanding how someone works can help you decide whether their approach appeals to you.
In my practice, we might talk about a difficult situation and then pause to notice what happens as you describe it. Perhaps your shoulders tighten, you hold your breath or you feel an unexpected sense of relief.
What I appreciate about Gestalt psychotherapy and body based work is that we can follow those small moments with curiosity. We don’t have to rush to explain everything.
Notice whether you have room to be yourself
You may feel nervous at first. That makes sense. You’re meeting someone new and considering sharing parts of your life that may be quite private.
Rather than expecting immediate comfort, I’d encourage you to notice whether there is room for your experience.
Can you take your time? Ask a question? Say you’re not ready to discuss something? Do your identity, culture and relationships feel respected?
I want people working with me to know they can say, “That doesn’t fit,” or, “Can we slow down?”
Those conversations help me understand you. They are a valuable part of our work together.
There can be room for laughter
This matters to me.
Therapy can involve grief, uncertainty and painful experiences. It can also include humour, creativity and moments of connection.
You don’t have to leave those parts of yourself at the door. I appreciate an approach that makes room for the whole person, including the part that finds something funny halfway through a difficult conversation.
Ask how you’ll work together
A useful question is, “How will we know whether this is helping?”
Your goals might change as you understand more about yourself. Perhaps you initially want to feel less anxious, then realise you also want to express your needs more clearly or feel more comfortable in relationships.
There should be space to review what you need, discuss the pace and talk about what is or isn’t useful.
In my work, we may gently experiment with something different. That could mean saying a boundary aloud or noticing what happens when you pause before answering. These are invitations, and your response helps guide us.
Give the practical details some attention
Fees, appointment times, location and cancellation policies all matter. So do confidentiality and its limits.
Therapy needs to fit into a real life, with work, family, finances and everything else you’re carrying. Asking about these details helps you make an informed choice.
If therapy hasn’t helped before, bring that experience with you
You don’t need to start again as though your previous experience never happened.
Tell a prospective therapist what helped, what didn’t and what you wished had been different. Perhaps you felt listened to but needed more practical exploration. Perhaps the pace felt too fast, or you found yourself trying to give the “right” answers.
I’m interested in hearing those things. They help us consider what you might need this time.
Trying a different therapist or approach is an option. Your previous experience doesn’t mean you are broken or that you have failed at therapy.
Finding a fit takes a little time
An introductory conversation can give you a sense of someone, but you may need a few sessions to understand how you work together.
You can keep asking questions along the way. You can raise concerns, change direction or decide that someone else may suit you better.
I’ll explore this further in upcoming posts, including questions to ask before booking, what to notice in your first sessions and how to talk about therapy that isn’t helping.
Would you like to get a sense of how I work?
At Terra Soul Therapies, I offer psychotherapy and counselling for adults in Albion, Brisbane, and online across Australia. My work brings together Gestalt psychotherapy, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and my background as a Registered Nurse.
If you’re curious, I offer a complimentary, no obligation 20 minute discovery call. You can ask questions, tell me a little about what you’re looking for and see how the conversation feels.
You don’t need to have it all worked out before reaching out.
Finding the right therapist: someone you can be yourself with
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